Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25. A young man was walking along in the forest, when he heard a muffled voice crying for help from behind a log. He leaned over to see a frog sitting in the mud. The frog looked up at him and said, "I'm actually a beautiful princess, and if you kiss me, I'll transform back into my true self, and be yours for eternity." Silently, the man scooped up the frog and continued on his walk. A minute or two later, the frog piped up again, "Hey, buddy, maybe you didn't hear me -- I said, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a princess. What are you waiting for?" Annoyed, the man stuffed the frog into his coat pocket. Shocked, the frog yelled from inside the man's pocket, "What the hell? I'm a princess! All you have to do is kiss me!" Opening his pocket and peering in, the man said, "Listen -- I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog is kind of cool." Q: How do you explain the movie Inception to a programmer? A: Basically, when you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM..., everything runs real slow! A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car. The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it." The systems analyst said, "No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it." The programmer said, "I think we should push it back up the hill and see if it does it again." What did the suicidal function say? "GOODBYE WORLD" How do functions break up? "They stop calling each other!" When is a function a bad investment? "When there's no return" What happened to the function that ran away? "It never returned" When do two functions fight? "When they have arguments" In what unit do you measure a function's length? "In Para meters..." What did the flirtatious function say? "Call me " What happened to all the illegal exceptions? "They were all caught!" What do threads do after they make love? "They go to sleep" Why do we rarely see a program with crooked teeth? "Because most of them have braces"