Discussion in 'RAIDers League' started by BANHAMMER, Jun 18, 2012.
RIP shaheed english!
COPIED FROM A BLOG!
Chennai Yatra.. (Just for fun, no offense to Chennai folks)
So I left for Chennai yesterday night from Bangalore and WOW, what a journey it was.. Let's start with the Bus' Background.
1. This bus had absolutely no leg space : Instead of the usual 35-40 seater buses, this had at least 60 sitting. Some people actually packed their legs in some bags.. I tried my best, but there was no choice. Finally I got my legs delivered home by BLUEDART.
2. Overcrowded is an understatement : Apart from the 60 folks sitting, the bus had another 60 lying around here and there. The driver's compartment alone had 30 folks. People were sitting on the driver's shoulders, laps and 1 on his head. It was hard to say who was driving.
3. Top speed 10 kmph : This was the most painful part. To actually give you some context on how slow he was,
a. In the morning, people came near the bus windows and started selling biscuits and tea etc. there was this female selling tea and she had nothing in her hands, and was saying chaya, chaya.. So I told her, behenji, ek chai jaldi.. She went and started milking a cow, then she boiled the milk, then she disappeared for some time, came back with some tea leaves, then she made chai and walked a couple of steps and we were pretty much still there.
b. When I reached home and read the newspaper, Rahul Gandhi's son had just become the Prime Minister.
c. When I switched on the TV set, India SL match was going on and Sachin's son was batting. Mumbai Indians call him Jesus (son of God)
So FINALLY, I reached Chennai. I had to go to this place called Thoraippakkam, sounds more like a dish (3 appam and the extra KK thanks to Ekta Kapoor), but that's how most places here are. It's easier to remember the Bhagavad Gita, compared to remembering the names of places here. On my way, I could not see a SINGLE BOARD written in Hindi and may be 10% boards with English, rest are 'TAMIL ONLY'. People here are like 'You no Tamil?, then I no give a ?#@*&%!^$~'.
This is the place where unlike other parts of the country where there are 3 seasons, there is only one season - Summer. In June / July when it's supposed to rain, the rain comes to about 500 feet above the ground and suddenly evaporates, till date it hasn't been able to make it to the ground. Winter comes for a day once in 4 years on February 29th. That's all, rest of the times it's perennially hot. There are no fair people here. There's brown (those who never come out of their house), blackish (who at least go to the malls etc) and coal black (where you can notice them only because of their teeth, or you would just walk past them). Ice cream is only seen in regrigerators, you have to actually eat it sitting inside the freezer, once it's out of the fridge, it's no longer ice cream. Till date, not even a single Sauna belt has sold here, coz women think that having a tummy is 'fashionable'. Auto drivers, they are all Rajnikanth fans. The rickshaw-meter - It's like ManMohan Singh. Just a showpiece, absolutely no use.
So, On my way, another thing I could notice was that I could not find a single couple on the roads (LITERALLY), then I realized where I was. The land where it's a punishable offense to be seen with the opposite sex before you are married. Chennai Feminist & Male Chauvinist Organisation (CFMCO) has employed 12,32,468 people (and ticking) with 007 licenses to make sure men and women don't interact at a young age. These folks dressed like civilians (and by civilians I mean, women in 15 metre sarees with half a litre coconut oil on their heads and topless bald men with their one metre lungis and moustaches that make them look like clowns in a fancy dress competition) walk with snipers with a 'Shoot at Sight' order if they see an unmarried couple hanging out. The saying goes, If you hang out, you will be hanged, OVER AND OUT.
The atmosphere and the people in Chennai quite reminds me of my previous visit to Calicut. The people are quite the same, dressing ain't different by much, may be the kids are encouraged to hang out with the opposite sex right from their teens, and that's why most B grade and C grade movies come from here.
One scintillating difference between the 2 places though,is the mysterious "26"th alphabet in the English dictionary. Folks from the land of Shakila just cannot comprehend the letter 'Z'. For that matter, they also have their own 'YELL, YEMM and YENN' in their dictionary, but let's leave that aside. Coming back to 'Z', while most folks pronounce it as 'Zed' and some in the US call it 'Zee', these guys call it whatever they want, it just depends on their mood. Like in Ko 'Z' hikode..
Interviewer: Pronounce Ko$%^&*kode
Interviewer: ?#@*&%!^$~ off....... Next Candidate Please.. (Not Plz)
Interviewer: Pronounce Ko$%^&*kode
Interviewer: Oh that's perfect, how did you get that right?
Candidate: Sir, I used to spend an hour everyday preparing for CAT and 2 hours trying to pronounce this shit.
I mean, you have to get it right if you are from here, there is no excuse. While in most parts of India, your first words are Maa, Amma, Papa etc and in Kashmir, it's the Kashmiri version of 'Champesta', which means 'I will kill you', in Kerala, your first words are $%^&* (It's the tongue twisted one night stand between Z and L). If you can't say this, they will get your tongue operated, till you can. It's called 'tong-?#@*&%!^$~-cision'. And even after that if you can't say it, you are deported to Karnataka. When I chat with one of my friends from Kerala, he keeps saying ZOZ, it took me 2 years to understand that it meant LOL (the way Mallus says it).
So anyways, Horny people put in extremely humid and hot climates under testing conditions where you should always be in one of the two states (singing / studying), my Chennai friends.. you can L (yell) at me.. I understand what you've been through and given all that, You folks are awesome..
cats are dumb as is sumon ^^
damn, i thought sumon was a cat!
Copied from facebook!
guess who is back
our bery oun BkrevWlevqe
I've been training.
ok.. training what
You do not have my permission to disappear troll
ok.. reporting back sir
Separate names with a comma.