Derp The Not-So Nice jokes thread!!

Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them."

 

Beat dis: How does a foreigner says ....open the door to his servant in hindi ?
(Read this fast in British accent)
"There was a cold day"......

 

The wife left a note on the fridge.



"It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Dad’s."



I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.... Not sure what she was talking about!

 

Hum unki chahat mein itni door nikal aaye....
...................
...............
..................
ki ab.................
........

.............



Riskshay wala wapsi ke 500 Rs maang raha hai

 

Wife Hints to husband for a new Car!

"Dear! buy me something that goes from 0 to 80 in 3 seconds when i am on it."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Husband gifted Her A "Weight Machine"

 

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied :
When this 70 year old ?#@*&%!^$~ told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

“I thought It was MONEY”

 

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Ofcourse darling..I do.
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: That depends on your husband....If he allows me to love u ....

 

Having a cold drink on a hot day wid a few friends is nice.....
......
.....
but.....
.......
wat bout having a hot friend on a cold nite after a few drinks .

 

mrsmohitgamer 100 posts!!! bravo...

 

yeah yippy .....;P

 

this ones for u ladies mrsmohitgamer skindeepink solarplexus MrsJD666 and the rest..


Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;

Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;
Woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;
Woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

That's it!!!

There after man has discovered and invented a lot of things...


While women are still STUCK with


SHOPPING .... .......... . !!!
__________________

 

father: Why is ur mother sitting so silently today?
son: nothing dad, she asked for LIPSTICK...I heard FEVISTICK
father: God bless!!! you my son...!!

 

Ek Din School Mein Teacher Ne Pappu Se Ek Sawal Poocha:

Teacher: “Pappu Batao, Salwar Ke Nade Ko English Mein Kya Kehte Hai?”

Pappu: “Ji Mam, P.H.D.”


Teacher Hairan Hokar: “Iska Kya Matlab Hai?”



Pappu: “Ji, Payjama Holding Device.”.........

 

Once a group of men went to teerth yatra...
Their guru said dont get distracted if u see a beautiful girl...
just close ur eyes n say "Hari om"
15 mins later one of them said:"Hari om"....and...
everyone's reaction was "Kitthe ? Kitthe?" ;P

 

One economical thought:
The best line which helps to save money
when going on dinner with your girlfriend....
Bol kya khayegi MOTTI..?

 

An Angry Wife To Her Husband On Phone:
“Where The Hell Are You ?”
Husband: “Darling You Remember That
Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond
Necklace And Totally Fell In Love With It & I
Didn’t Have Money That Time & I Said Baby
It’ll Be Yours One Day”
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: “Yeah, I
Remember That My Love”
Husband: “I’m In The Barber Shop Just Next
To That Shop“